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#Gay men in suits in office full
Full disclosure: I once ran away from a week-long silent meditation retreat. If it becomes just another project for achievement, then the purpose is defeated. However it can be a trap to add “learn to meditate” to your already long to-do list. Meditation and yoga can help us be more comfortable enjoying the moment. So How Do We Move Beyond Fear and Boredom? It can take a little courage to slow down and figure out what you are really feeling. Underneath the experience of being bored is a rich palette of emotions. If you have been using busyness as a defense against feeling “less than” for years, then it may take months or years to learn to bring more ease into your life.īoredom is fear in disguise. The answers to these questions will eventually become clear as long as you keep asking them with a self-compassionate and curious tone.
#Gay men in suits in office free
You’ll be facing the important scary question: Who am I if I am not producing? Do I have any value?Īnd what do I want to do with my free time anyway? Once you start to give yourself permission to slow down, new issues may arise.Īnd you probably will get a little anxious. I don’t think my friends, family, or boss would want me to suffer like this.įat feels good in bed. How I feel about myself is what matters most. I am entitled to enjoy this experience of being a human on this planet. People are too busy with their own insecurities to notice if my pants look funny today. “_” will love me even if I don’t answer their text until tomorrow. If I do 2% less at work no one will care or notice and I will still get promotions.
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If you want to slow down a bit and enjoy your free time more, you can experiment with telling yourself some of the following statements, all which are very likely to be true: This process of relaxing may be step two, three, or four. If you’ve come out then you already know the value of placing a higher value on your personal needs rather than just meeting the expectations of your family or culture. Learning to feel entitled enough to relax may require looking at some of these unconscious motivators. Even if your sexual attractions are “disgusting.” How Do We Chill-lax? The equation is: when you are busy improving and producing, you can be loved. These are the good reasons people stay in the closet until it is too painful to continue to do that. These are the central fears of the gay experience. But just “being” without “doing” is risky. And occasionally, actual death.ĭoing a lot, and doing things well, often felt good as a kid. And when you are growing up there’s nothing worse than being called a fag. Being yourself without any alteration could lead to being called a “fag.” That is the unconscious belief that sometimes runs the show. Relaxing is a luxury that some gay men can’t afford. In other words, it’s called growing up gay on planet earth.īeing productive, admirable, popular, elite, or muscular is one way not to feel “one down,” “less than,”or a social outcast. We typically learn that it’s the result of being exposed to homophobia at an early age. No one has spent money researching this thesis so there’s no way to prove if my sample of clients of urban men in therapy is somehow different.īut I can share what we often discover underneath the exhausting busyness. The straight men I know, and the ones I work with in my therapy practice, often are more “chill.” They tend to be more comfortable with leisure time and doing less. Respond quickly to social media and texts Here’s what I’ve noticed: Gay men are very busy.